My World

2011-10-18T04:54:00.000-07:00

Its like screaming out for help beneath the ocean and hoping the little bubbles your making signal the sign of your drowning in the deep sea where there isn't a single soul to notice your cries.

2011-10-16T07:03:00.000-07:00

Somehow I still can't get rid of this feeling..

2011-07-03T10:59:00.000-07:00

Its weird. Life.
In the 18 plus years I've lived there is a baffling feeling to how I've come to this point.

I've lived an eventful 18 years.

Problems have struck. But I have stuck on through.

Reflections to a broken mirror and the eyes of a blind bat.
You soon realize that the world you see is not that of what you first thought to be.

But its fine cause know that I see so much differently it is kind of refreshing.

For the first time in such a long time I truly learn that how happiness is a choice.
To know that life has so much more to offer, that there is so much to live for.

So on goes the road.
The bend in the road.
The way is clearer again.
Just hit a rest stop at a dead end.
No wrong in making a round trip.
Better than running off the road.

Better to live. A dull ache still throbs but it is a good reminder on things.
So this precious lesson I've been taught will not be so easy to forget.

Now to love myself like I've loved others.
Open my eyes to myself and to the world.
To resolve the mysteries of life.
To find the end of the intended road.

And a line I've heard before.
To infinity and beyond. =]

-A simple warm smile-

Feels like the only thing I can do now.

2011-02-08T19:26:00.001-08:00

From the choice came a peace.
From the peace comes a calm.
From the calm is the storm.
From the storm comes the end.

So now is the beginning of the middle part of the end.

2010-11-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

What can I do to make things change.
Day by day it seems to just get gloomier.
Will I regret. Most likely.

When he knocks do you answer?
I said it once before.

10 years ago it started.
Will it end this time?

I just wonder what good can come from it.

If I go? Don't be sad. Be glad. This is the last. It was my choice in the end. My mistake to make.

2010-11-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

I can feel myself drifting. Cause I've got a secret.
Cause right now it can only get worse.

2010-11-06T07:57:00.000-07:00

Whats your problem?
I ask myself that question every time.

2010-11-06T05:33:00.001-07:00

Naive. I wish I could be like that.

I feel like an old man. Even though its been less than 18 years.
214 months. 6517 days. 156 408 Hours. 9384480 minutes. 563068800 seconds.

2010-11-05T09:41:00.001-07:00

Somehow I'll smile and let it go till I find something better to hold onto.

2010-11-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

And still the wind blows. I don't mind you not seeing it. I don't mind you disregarding it.
I don't mind a lot of things. I just mind myself.

You would too if you somehow knew it was going to be wrong and still did it.

The 5 things I see in my own actions and feelings.
Its quite dumb actually. Cause all of the fault is on me and I know it but somehow I'm wishing it would turn alright in the end.

Somehow I'm afraid I'm gonna break that promise or rather the vow I made with you when I rose above that first wave.

I'm afraid of the growing colors beneath me. I don't know if I'm alone in this. I introspect too much I think.

Maybe they do see something but don't bother actually to really look.

I'm either the world's greatest actor or the world's biggest idiot. I saw this a million miles away yet I walked this road. Did I actually want this somehow. This self-destruction.

Maybe when you've been so used to the atrophy of life that it feels out of place to be happy. Or maybe I've forgot how being really truly happy felt. Maybe I need rest. I've always told myself I'll feel better after getting some rest. Or maybe I'm just a little Bi-polar with a mix of paranoia and depression.

I've always told myself I always bounce back. I've always told people I'll be alright.

I shouldn't be like this. I always know but I always somehow end up pulling the trigger and let myself fall.

The biggest idiot is the one who knows its a bottomless pit but still jumps into it.

The caring heart. I've always hated to see the sadness in people. I somehow could always tell. But sometimes I didn't do anything. The times I tried I either failed or was just brushed away. Soon I somehow gave up. I was tired of see the sadness. So I closed my eyes for awhile. Decided to become a idiot. Just tried to live my life blindly. Ignorance is bliss I guess. After awhile I wanted to see again. I wanted to help. But somehow I lost a part of it. I still see somethings. I see a different degree. And now I wanna gorge my eyes out. At one point I gave up on myself. But I never gave up on people. Now I feel like I'm giving up on both. When I saw the sadness I could empathize with. When I saw the smile I tasted a little envy. I wish I could really smile like that.

I wish I could throw away all that I feel and let myself feel happy. I wish I could go into the past and tell myself. Maybe I could live without seeing, feeling and living this way. But that would be impossible so right now I'm wasting time and energy just thinking about it.

My "heart" & "mind". Conflicts. Its not two things. Its about 3 or 4 and maybe 5. I wish I could just be simple and dumb sometimes. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much in this spiral of blackness.

I'm a liar. I'm a hypocrite. I know it. I see it. I wish it not. All the "I"s but still..

I'm kinda lost in my ownself. But still somehow I know. A part of me always knew.

I should stop but my mind still an ocean of thoughts. I always told myself not to think too much but still I do.

God you see me. You know me. And I kinda know you. I've always believed there was a reason behind it all. Something greater. The thing that gave me hope and reason for every second that ticks. For every breath I breathe. I just wish I would see it.

Three years down the road I'll laugh at this. Ten I'll write a book about this road. That's if I get there.
For now I'll carry on. Until I get out of this shit hole. I hope I don't give up.

I don't think they understand. Where everything's meant to be broken. I just want you to know who I am. - Iris

Just maybe your gonna be the one who saves me - Wonderwall (random song I'm listening to)

2010-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Blue.
A way I can say how I feel some how.
Just blue.
Its a weird feeling.
There is the light blue. The dark blue but yet the sky which is blue seems so sad.
The blue sea that seems so dark.

Black is a darkness.
White is a brightness.
Yellow is a richness.
Green is a naturalness.

Somehow I see. Somehow I'm blind.
If I can find.
If I can feel.
If only.

Somehow I don't think people see. Somehow I don't think people know.
An expression. Its like invisible Ink.

What would you do if you see?

2010-07-16T04:00:00.000-07:00

could you tell me why I feel the way I feel sometimes? Even I just don't understand

Church Camp

2010-06-16T20:23:00.001-07:00

Something that should never be forgotten and never to be forgotten.

Time to really get it right and live it properly.

Made better friendships.. Got a little closer.. Set this heart right.. Fresh new anointing..

Whats not to like?

2010-05-02T09:30:00.001-07:00

And he gave up..
Just wanna hear your voice once again..

2010-02-17T03:22:00.000-08:00

Could you remind me of the time?
So lost in this hours days nights..
Drifting..

Would you remind me of how I used to feel?
How I could care and love so much?
Bleeding..

Can I remember the day I gave it all away?
Just the time I wouldn't care so much..
Crashing..

And then came a flood washing over me.
Reminiscing..

Actions tell tales of the Intentions behind the faces and the Hands reveals the Heart behind the Mind..

Strife

Just wondering

2010-01-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

2010. Still can't believe it.

Just not too long ago I was still like this and that.
Now things have changed too much.

Just going to rant about stuff.

Beyond my reason and furthest from my vision.
Do you see the world or the people..

I keep telling myself over and over again not to feel this way but some how I always keep falling for the same thing..

Time time time time time.. I wish I had more time.. Time to clear things up.. Time for my friends.. Time for myself and time to waste away..

Looking back I wonder how did things suddenly just turn out like this.. Keep missing the way things were and soon I will miss everything else..

The way I feel is simply retarded.. Making sense of the senseless and holding on to the transparent..

When did I become so selfish? When did I stop being so selfless.. There was once a time I always told myself that it was better to have others happy then to myself so I decided to deny myself and to give it my best to others.. But now I'm like this..

Seeing, hearing, feeling. Wanna close my eyes but afraid I will lose it all..

But the one thing I shall ask to everybody and anybody who reads this..

WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM?
It struck me really hard like a gunshot in the silent night. Made me wonder. What am I running from? What are you running from?

We fear so we run. We hurt so we run away. We do not know so we run. Will you be willing to confront it?

Just of the things that came to mind.. really tired. i should like slp now.

New beginnings

2010-01-01T03:18:00.000-08:00

Wow.. Its 2010! wow.. Finally updating after like super super long! as promised i shall update after my attachment! =D

So 2009 comes to an end and 2010 comes..

The past year has been a crazy ride on a roller coaster ride that seems to never end and can crash any moment.

So many things has happen and I'm like pretty detached from things now a days..

Gotta get things back together again..

Today being my last day of attachment I'm like finally free of one thing!!!
Time do do stuff that I wasn't able to do in the next.... 2 days... wow..

School is starting soon again! Back to the hectic lifestyle of trying to get by week by week and no longer day by day!

ok! shall post on all the happenings next time!

cya!

Life like the layout

2009-10-28T00:16:00.000-07:00

even after giving everything you got to grab a hold of what you want one must prepare himself for the landing and keep holding on tightly..

2009-10-17T08:25:00.001-07:00

Just wondering....

This feeling.. I hate it..

So distracting..

Hope things will get better though..

So close yet so far.

2009-09-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hurt and risk a scar or harden and risk never feeling again..

2009-09-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

Life should be like a layout

Just go for it and give it all you got to catch what you want..

The more worried you are about the landing the more likely you will hurt yourself

Rant

2009-09-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

Its been a super super long time since I've last posted anything on this blog..
Guess things have been pretty busy-ish lately and time just goes out the window.
Because with one look you can see
Things are ever changing and I cant seem to be able to keep track of them. I've changed, my friends changed, my family changed and even the surroundings have changed.
Everything..
I guess I'm just not the sort who is used to change.
Just one look..
I guess I just really dislike the person whom I am becoming. Don't wanna be like this. Wish I could go back to the way I used to be, a caring person.

So many things happen in life that through learning from my mistakes and taking the counter measures have turn up with new problems and through those new problems I miss the way I used to be.

From trying to understand everything things have never been so clear yet so hard to see. Black and white is becoming the shades of gray and the rainbow in the sky is becoming duller.

I just want to know why I feel the way I feel. Just wanna know why I feel this aching.

We all share the same sky yet not all of us can see the sun shining through the darkest cloud.

From the warmth came the burning and from the cold came the freezing. Wish I can find the place where there is a balance.

From my emotions I made stupid decisions and did stupid things.

From my mind I made the "smart" ones but the heart turn cold and solid.

I still feel, just not the way I used to..

I wish I could be the one who could picture the sun even through the darkest storm where even the lightning struck me down.

No point in brooding but sometimes its always better to let it out I once said..

Once upon a time..

2009-07-17T11:36:00.000-07:00

The hero always gets the girl and has the happy endings..
But i'm anit no hero..
Love? Nah... nothing close to that.. My heart is running wild yet again.. too careless.. dun ever wanna make the same stupid mistake again.. should be slping now.. comp starts in 7 hrs and i must report in 6hrs.. crap.. hope i can make it thru tmr.. screwed up person me..

2009-07-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Bored people do dumb things

Tired people do dumb things

Dumb people do dumb things

So if your all of the above do you do dumb things?

Dumb + Dumb + Dumb = ?

hahahhaha.. just all of the above so i decided to type that..

Just wondering whats going to happen.. First time in a long time I'm actually doing something in this area.. I've kept wandering.. Kept looking but some how this don't feel right.. Maybe your just curious.. Maybe I'm just curious.. Life is pretty interesting but I'm a boring person.. So what do you get when a boring person lives an interesting life..

Wonder wonder why..

Can you believe this words, Maybe I'll try

Rant rant... hahahhaha..

Laughter can be so hollow and meaning less yet be a beautiful melody..
Eyes can shine so bright and filled with promise yet so dark and empty..

I'm once a again wondering..

Rest.. Maybe that's all I need..

Why am I here? Why did he put me here? All these problems, theres gotta be a reason.. I'm always seeking..

Look left look right.. Up down left right.. Sight and perceptions.. What are all of these?

Seeing through infinity is not something a person can see..

God's angle.. The unattainable..

Wonder why I'm even bother to write.. I can keep writing all this rubbish.. The subcon mind is so mysterious..

Id Ego SuperEgo
Devil - me - Angel

Maybe this is just another self-defense for anxiety? Possible..

I can keep typing on forever but here I am still wondering what am I doing.. Sigh*

2009-06-25T09:03:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is my last day of attachment! finally!

2009-06-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

One cant stay down forever, he has to stand up and keep going.. after falling so many times i should have already learn this lesson but everytime things keep getting worse and more complicated den the last..

Today I met an interesting patient, looking at his life made me wonder a little too.. Nice guys finish last? possible.. What does being nice and everything get you? The joy of helping someone.. I know that feeling.. Going out an extra limp for someone is not always the easiest thing to do but still, there is still a joy in doing that no matter the price.. Is one willing to sacrifice so much for so little in return?

A man such as myself does not know how to really help.. Being me I just listen.. Up till now I still do not know what does listening do to help although it does release the pressure a little which I hope actually happens but I wouldn't really know would I..

The old me was so much nicer.. So much more trusting.. So much more than what I currently am.. Yet in a sense the old me was so much more unreal, a individual such as what I once was cannot successfully function in the modern day society or any in that matter..

Sacrifice? In the past I always though I was very insincere as doing some stuff didn't mean much to me so as compared to though who took alot of effort just to do what I would do.. That is really a sacrifice in itself..

Now doing this and that seems so much more taxing than what it used to seem. Now at the other end of the spectrum it would seem that those who do good like it doesn't mean too much are really "wow"

Life is simple yet so messy, God I hate romance novels.. They can be so stupid sometimes..

2009-06-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

today was a first? maybe not a first but some where along those lines.. keep telling myself the same thing.. i know whats good whats bad but still i just keep doing the same thing.. but sometimes doing the right thing isn't the best thing to do.. so confusing crap.. haha.. but at least after this episode things would either get alot better or just hell lot worse.. just hope things turn out for the better..

So.... What makes a nice guy nice?

2009-06-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

Afraid my heart will give out half-way..

2009-06-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

So many things I kept hidden

So many things I didn't

So many things Unseen

So many things Unheard

So many times I've given

So many times I've tried

So many mistakes

So many broken promises

---------------------------------

So many memories

So many things I've done

So many people I've meet

So many times I've smiled

---------------------------------

So many times I've masked

So many lies I've said

So many disappointments

----------------------------------

At least I'm still here breathing and well to make things right again..

Keep me in your prayers..

2009-06-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." - Rita Mae Brown

Quote from some random persons blog and thought I should be veh happy a person but don't seem so

im apparently extremely tired after months of lack of sleep and constant state of relative busy-ness.. Dunno how long more I can take this before i drop dead or something..

Life so far has gotten pretty interesting as things keep changing and as I'm exposed to new things.. But at the same time its burning me dry as I have quite a few commitments that of which I have to do..

Hoping that God will some how make a way for me as I go through this troublesome time..

I keep on letting my heart wander and unguarded.. Think another problem is rising and this time things keep getting harder and harder..

By God alone will I make it through the day cause I can't live for myself..

2009-06-09T00:58:00.001-07:00

Unleash the mugger!
(for now)

2009-06-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

The world has never been so clear
Yet so blur..

All I need is a place to rest my head

2009-04-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

When one says "He is at his limits"
The other will say "No"
When one says "He is not going to make it"
The other says "No"
When one says "He is stumbling"
Others say "No.."
When one says "He has fallen"
The others will say silent..

Till he decides to stand..

Why be content with less when you can be so much more?
Why lie there when you can be somewhere better?
Why just push the line when you can overcome it?
Why stay the same when there is so much more ahead?

Life is more than just a run..
Life is more than just living..
Life was given so we could show the world..

The problem is seeing "How we can solve our problems"
Do you still look to God to see how he can solve them..
Maybe he lets us have this problem so we would learn to trust him.
Maybe?

Or maybe we just got to wake up..

So.. are you going to take the stand?

2009-04-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

If I met you some other day some other time and maybe in some other life..Things might be better..

Decode (1) - Mdvpml!

2009-02-25T06:13:00.000-08:00

Nfd ass epf jdljsl C vhosm xd vhyiomndrm a ndihymss..

Bhb, C'wf vhzh ijvp a shyo bbf nplz phb C eifm eh xd.
Ce ci ddcssf a zdod mfnnjdnyvt ndlz phb C eifm eh xd.

C vby'e xdsljwn C'z ieiss pddh, C bhymjd phb C vhsm ijdwown nfd ih shyo..

Mfm C xdvpzl vhsmhd fde aocly..
Pbwh C mfiedyvp zfihsn aocly ndlz bwfdfxbmf?

Just felt like writing something

2009-02-18T06:30:00.000-08:00

I wish i could just go back to the time where i could wander into time and just stare into the endless dark nights..

at least den i knew i was alive

DEAD!

2009-01-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

This blog is really dead =[

Sorry Joyan! Can't find the right things to post about youth camp..

So I guess this blog is dead like somethings in life!

Might ever revive this blog if I go learn some digital CPR or something!

Sorry to all those who actually read this blog!

SamTan
Signing off for the last time!

2008-12-13T07:22:00.000-08:00

This is my december..

Yup.. haha.. now the bad songs keeps playing back into my head xD

december.. its the time for festive joys and celebration..

but i guess its just another year like this..

every year I fall back into it..

For the 5th time already.. im gonna die la after tis.. so tiring..

my heart just cant keep going like tis..

i guess u made the darkest and brightest parts of my heart..

that will never change..

oh i hate the feelings i left behind in the music..

all the dark and sad times.. i wanna be happy for real this time..

but i keep falling down at this point.. dont think it would be possible..

sometimes its so easy to smile yet so hard to....

im suppose 2 go slp now.. for like awhile ago.. guess i cant really slp till i get rid of tis... many slpless nights to come... soooo sad.... but i cant believe its happens every year.. man im a screwed up person...

at least I had fun these past few days =]

2008-12-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

I'm a happy sad person?

I'm a paradox?

A contradiction?

A foolish wise men?

Who is wiser? The one who knows whats for the best yet does the worse or the ignorant?

Everybody sees in a different angle of life..
Some of these overlap, some are in totally different directions.

Perception..

I know I can be happy.. But I'm sad?
Happiness is a choice?
Love is a choice?

Joy to the world
Sleeping in heavenly peace
The angels did say

Lalalaaaa... The Christmas mood xD

I just guess its a different meaning for me..
Oh well.. I know the end of the road.. But I still walk it..
I guess I'm the biggest fool.. haha

Is this a dream?

2008-11-29T08:50:00.000-08:00

- This has to be a dream -

- Yeah, this has to be a dream -

- Then we should wake up if we close our eyes, right? -

- Yes, we will!.. I hope... -
Why do I always have to screw up my life?

If this was all a dream, I think I will die in the end of it xD

2008-11-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

1. My friends are good and nice people =]

2. I am listening to the birds and cricket!

3. Maybe I should take my guitar?

4. I love - hmmmmm...

5. My plan is to grow old and die then go to heaven =]

6. I don't understand why the world is the world

7. I lost a lot already in this lifetime =(

8. People say random things?

9. I am missing sleep, food, water.. all the basic essentials so I think I may just die from lack of water or something one day

10. Love means alot!

11. Somewhere, someone - can I change the someone to somehow? It reminds me of a song! xD

12. I am always searching for something

13. Forever seems not too far off

14. I never want to live a life of...

15. My mobile phone is soooomeewheeere over the raaainbow!

16. When i wake up in the morning I try to get myself off the bed.

17. I get annoyed when - Thats a good question let me think abt it

18. Parties are fun.. I guess xD

19. Hugs or kisses? How about both? or none at all?

20. Today I will go calvin's house later!

21. Tomorrow I will go do the lights at church!

22. I really want to get my life back into shape.

23. I shall skip this question =]

24. What is your phone brand? Sony Ericsson!

25. What are the last three digits of your phone number? 97654(053)

26. What does the second message in your inbox say? Quote Quote "L0ls.ya yabusy with papaya.l0ls.rhymes rite?" random?

27. Who was the last person you rang? My mom?

28. Who was the last missed call from? Mr.Derek

29. What does the oldest message in your inbox say? Quote Quote "Meet at west mall Mrt. 12pm.

30. Who comes up after J? K!

31. Go to your sent messages- What does the tenth message say? Quote Quote "Hmmm.. Your house ah? Or somewhere?"

32. Who is your network provider? M1 =]

33. How many messages are there in your inbox? Don't ask me to count! lazy!!

34. Who do you have on speed dial 3? Tarzan is handsome Tarzan is strong go listen to the jungle song! (random lyrics in my head!)

35. If you are on prepaid card, how much credit do you have? Nope! no no PP card!

36. Who's the first person who comes up after C? If its AFTER C? Daniel Chan whom I have no idea who's that.

37. What do you have as your main ringtone? Erm.. I'm lazy to check..

38. Pass this quiz to ten people
1.I'm lazy to think of names! So if you see this! wahahhaha! you must do! xO I dun care xD

I'm Back!

2008-11-25T07:33:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the super dead blog of Samuel Tan! So bored bored bored! well not really.. Me wanna go sleep soon but felt like posting something to save my blog from a terrible and horrible death!

Today in the morning I had nothing to do till josiah asked me to go over his house which I did at around 1.30pm?

reach there watch him play a little cs, played a little dota and den played a little GUNZ!! xD

josiah at first kept dying in the beginning of the quest mode but after tt he became alot better and could solo some of the missions!

Didn't know it was so late when I left his house which was around 10.40pm? LATE much

reached home and now im just doing nothing! after i finish this i will go take a shower den go ZzzzZzzzzZZzzZZzZzzzz....
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sad I didn't go the fresh fire conference.. Reasons why? Its Complicated (TradeMark by Friendster) haha! ( But not the relationship status) but Its just Complicated! cause I'm A Complicated but Bored person!

guess im missing alot of things but i guess its natural.. think i might have like seasonal depression or something xD

I'm not say sad or emo now but just a little weird?! it might be a post O lvl thing or something but I dunno.. just this feeling i cant shake

maybe i lack sleep? worked last time but dunno abt now! never know till i try! Yay! I wrote a slightly long post for my standards! =D cant compare to some people though xD they own la the lengths of their post and i cant do the Quiz cause i cant see it in the blog animore D=

Sighing off!
-SIGH- ( <---- Its EXTREMELY BIG a SIGH )
lalala

December Blues

2008-11-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

It just hit me.. All the things that happened in my life.. It was always during that time of year.. The weird dreams are back... The old buried stuff always comes back.. Reminds me of the Ghost of Christmas Past.. Didn't think it was such a sub-con thing.. Sometimes I just forget all the things I've been through.. I still know them.. Felt them.. But always at this point of time the time of Unrest come.. Although I've already change so much I don't know how things will turn up.. Don't know this strange darkness that haunts me..
Oh Got I hate This Time of Year
Sometimes I really wonder if I know myself..

I'm just afraid of myself..

F.E.A.R - If the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, what of the fear of self?

IT HAS ENDED~!!~!~!!~!!!

2008-11-11T06:13:00.000-08:00

Finally after sooooo long! ok la! not really that long but long enough! xD

Today woke up at 6am to get ready for school as the LAST paper is a morning one which starts at 8am which means reach there early = reach at 7.30am soo i reach early early at roughly 7am cause my mom fetch me!

sat ard, talk revise and until around 7.40am we started heading up to the classrooms for the exams

7.55am exam starts...

-scribble scribble scribble-

-lubber lubber lubber-

8.40am finishes paper and checks thru!

8.55am ==> Please stop writing and hand in your answer scripts!

9.am ==> You may exit the room!

YAY!!!!

wnet over zhen hao hse 2 b.net a little and cut hair wif nat while zh dyes his hair alittle although i cant say i see much diff..

left his hse at ard 11++ den head hoome bathe and change den met at 1pm at bukit but was 10mins late!

took the long way on MRT to cathey due to some misconception and took a cab to cieny or how u spell it cause i dont knw how cuz we were really really hungry and buffet at suki sushi or something like tt! ate lots although still could eat a little more before we left den arcade a little b4 going watch 007!

not bad show but almost fell aslp cuz was really tired! went home by bus although took awhile and got home! nice day! hahaha

Its always a new day

2008-11-06T07:35:00.000-08:00

And theres always a new tomorrow

I'm the guy who adapts to change.. I can be who I want to be.. For the people you love you have to sacrifice a little of yourself.. I've change so much.. Oh the irony.. I used to think people like me are very insincere cause doing "good" was very easy.. But now I think people who do that are wow.. Think theres gonna be something weird going down.. All the things I take I would take em all for a reason.. Life has so much more to offer then this.. Eternity is just knocking on.. What is life?

I'm so "positive" right now.. I'm a weird person.. Sometimes I couldn't care less but O how things have changed xD
In the light I hide =]
Who would say they know?

Searching

2008-10-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't know I was looking.
I didn't know I lost it.
I'm still searching.
I'm still missing.

For all these times I still don't know what I'm looking for.

25th Post!!

2008-10-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

My first O lvl related examination is in like 3 days time. I'm a little sick too, very sian la.. but ya.. just decided to post something before going to bed, its a little late but have trouble sleeping again.. but im content cuz i manage to do sum work =]

recently cavell's & jon's 21th bday occurred and quite a party was held to celebrate which both and another small gathering i attended, tis it what i believe to have lead to my decline in health and i haf no idea why im typing so like tis-ish..

But thinking back a little I've notice a huge change in me over this span of a year and beyond, its surprising how one little examination can make a person change..

But with the O lvls coming in, i think im prone to stress related sicknesses and other as seen from young till now.. Maybe i just got a weak immunity system or just lack rest which i will be getting sum soon!

nitez!

Troubling

2008-09-20T06:47:00.000-07:00

Its scary to looking into the mirror and not recognize the person standing on the other side.

A image in a mirror is virtual..
Too much physics

RIP

2008-09-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

RIP

World Of This Blog, Samuel's Blog
Rest In Peace
NOW till When I feel like waking the dead or after Os

Wonder wonder Wonder

2008-08-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

how easy to lose sight of things.. how easy is it to fall out, how easy is it to fall into.. wad am i becoming.. looking into the mirror i can almost no longer recognize myself, what am i turning into.. things are rather empty 4 i know i am lacking.. living life thru so much emptiness.. come back.. but my legs wont move..

ps Alvin's msg 2 day was veh gd and reflective and can see to be very personal a msg.. talks abt things and stuff.. shld listen 2 it well..

made me think abt stuff.. although i kinda forgot wad kinda stuff cuz im quite tired now.. gonna go slp soon.. but im suppose 2 do a quiz which im quite lazy 2 do... ok! shall be a little more hardworking a person..

the quiz from joyan!
[1]The person who passed you this quiz
joyan

[2]Your relationship with him/her
friend, teacher and student =]

[3]Your 5 impressions of him/her
1.Smart person
2.Chinese pro!
3.GUITARIST!!
4.hardworking lazy person?
5.she is a human

[4]The most memorable thing he/she has done for you
well.. i cant reali remember? me got bad memory =[

[5]The most memorable words he/she said to you
well.. tt 2 i cant remember? but the last thing she said 2 me so far just now was sry g2g

[6]If he/she becomes your lover
hmmm? love her as a sis in christ alrdy lor xD

[7]If he/she becomes your lover, what he/she should improve on
hmmmm? i dunno? GUITAR skills!!! xD

[8]if he/she becomes your enemy
i dunno, doubt tt would happen?

[9]if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason would be
erm?

[10]The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is
to learn chinese from her! xD

[11]Your overall impression of him/her is
a nice nice nice person! see how many times i use the nice word.. so must be reali nice! so nice i dunno wad else 2 write xD hahaha

[12]How do you think people around you would feel about you
well.. i got no idea xD ask them?

[13]Characteristics you love about yourself are
cuz im uniquely me xP

[14]On the contrary, the characteristics you hate about yourself are
lazy!

[15]The most ideal person you want to be is
who ever God wants me to be?

[16]For people that care and like you, say something to them
THANK YOU! wahahhaha! xD

[17]Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you
1.cal
2.justin
3.choc
4.joyce
5.joyan! xP
6.andrew
7.nemo :)
8.gera
9.ben
10.Mr.Popperby! wahahahhaha xD

[18]Is number 6 having a relationship at the moment? (Mr.Drew or Andrew)
maybe?? i dunno?

[19]Is number 9 male or female? (Benja)
male? not saMUEL but stilla male

[20]If number 7 and 10 are together, would that be a good thing? ( Claire and Joel)
YES!! =D

[21]How about number 8 and 5? ( Joyan & Gera )
WOW! tt would be nice xDD heehee

[22]What is number 2 studying? (Justin or rather Dustbin)
Hacking for Dummies 101

[23]When was the last time you had a chat with number 3? (Choc)
just now?

[24]What kind of music band just number 8 likes?
Paramore?

[25]Does number 1 have siblings? (Calvin)
yes! crazy sisters infact xD

[26]Is number 7 the sexiest girl in the universe? ( nemo )
YAYAY! hahah xD jkjkjkjk how can say my supposely straight son sexy?

[27]Do you think its possible if number 4 & 5 date each other? (Joyce and Joyan)
hmmmm? anything is possible?

[28]Say something more about number 6 (Andrew)
Crazy nice guy!

[29]Whats your relationship with number 9? (Ben)
friend xDyayay!

[30]List all the schools that number 1 to 10 are in/previous ones
NJC, ACSI, JJC, SP, Nanyang, Crescent, HGSS, MGS

[31]What would you do if number 10 hates you? (Joel)
oh noes!! i haf no clue.. can u give me 1?

[32]Which of the 10 people are in a relationship..
hmmmmmm?

[33]How did you first meet 3? (Choc)
cell? cant remember? CCIS?

[34]How would you react if Number 3 and number 10 liked each other? (Joel and Choc)
ooooo! coool!

[35]What would you do if number 4 tells you she is pregnant? (Joyce)
-stun-

Lalala

2008-08-17T05:26:00.000-07:00

its sunday! and time passes soo fast... too fast in fact =[

today had a small "guitar fellowship" but mostly onli me and josiah were playing anithing.. need more ppl!! so bring ur guitars ppl =D

haha! after tt played a round of dota which wasn't too bad la.. had sum fun =D

and my grandmom is staying over at my hse 2day 4 a few days!
I dun wanna feel tis way
i dun wan history to repeat itself
but all im looking for is ur happiness..
could i ask for more?

tmr is sch =[ soooo sad.. oral coming up! and just remember im suppose 2 do a quiz which im super duper lazy 2 do! awww D=

shall do it sum other time den xD

World Of This

2008-08-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

A young boy at a tender age of 11 years old was pondering about the things in life, he was thinking of how his life has been, all the things that lead him to the day.

That day for the boy was like no other yet like every other, he like all other families had a father and a mother. Like most families they were a couple, although not a very happy couple they were a couple.

His friends were like all other kids in primary school who had a normal childhood and had normal parents, they were rather good kids as well.

But this young boy was sitting on the edge of the window, his eyes held sorrow which few understood, he wore a aura of sorrow which held contained and subdue but this was a rather disturbing sight indeed. Although his eyes held no tears he was pondering what would happen after death.

Was there emptiness? Would he go to heaven? Questions and questions continued to pour into his head wondering where or what would happen to him if he were to take the last step.

As he stood up to the window where it would be his next step would spell the end of his mortal existence, something held him back, like a whisper in the winds, something held him back, some one reminded him, some one gave him a special feeling.

But he was alone, alone in this physical plane. There was nobody in the room, not a person to comfort him but still, something stopped him from taking the jump.

He felt a feeling that was being LOVED, he felt LOVE.

He took a step back and continued with life till now he still living and breathing.

By a fellow man.
He is still alive till this day.
Please show a little more love in this world.
Please pray for all the lost and unloved.
Please have the courage to act.
And the heart to love a little more.

Cuz im afraid rite now

2008-08-08T01:59:00.000-07:00

life seems to reali play tricks on u.. dunno wads gonna happen.. hope nothing big.. hope im just thinking 2 much again.. cuz the way things are going.. i dunno wads gonna happen... haha..
i reali feel like running away from tis
friday!
national day celebration.. going 2 sch was soooo pointless and dumb.. haha.. waste time la.. but the performences were not too baddd... for my sch standard..
why am i still here?
The day started out with sum parade thingy which was held in the parade squ while we were in the hall so we saw the proceedings thru a vid cam..
where is the love i once had
After tt we had sum NE quiz thingy which involved 1 repi from all lvls from opal to topaz.. was quite funny all the things.. haha..
i need a little more loving
den afterwards the more nice nice performs of sorts like a hiphop dance routine thingy and a skit.. den the was a grp jukebox ppl thingy.. they are quite gd i think although got alot of room for improvement.. dun think my guitar is tt gd either but ya.. haha.. fun 2 play in a band =D
save me if its worth saving me
after tt just kill time kill time den set off.. wahahha.. end so early... wanted 2 go do something but nobody reply me or anithing so just stuck at home slacking.. boring of sorts... shall just guitar away time and observe tis funny song called zombie by Cranberries

Where are You

2008-08-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

B A
Where Are You?
G E
I am Lost, all alone (I am here)
B A
Where Are You?
G E
I am cold, in this world (Can you feel me?)
B A
Where Are You?

lazy 2 write out the rest, still in its composing stages! wahahha! any ideas or critics just say! know it sounds a little emo but its suppose 2 be! xD

so many things 2 write abt! watched the dark knight! can say the best show i watch the WHOLE year! sooo nice! sad sia tt keth died! no more pro pro acting joker! =[

aniway, went for FOP ytd and Fri! para band and reuben was gd! love the preacher! hes such a nice guy! shall talk more abt them later cuz im lazy 2 write stuff now! xD

There are so many of them

2008-07-22T07:46:00.000-07:00

So many of these people.
So many of those who try to hide
Those who seek comfort yet shun it
Those who cry out but hide in themselves
Would we understand each other
Somethings are just like that
What can we do to change?

We need a hope
But there is only one
Only one person who can heal all those wounds
Would you really lay your life down
I doubt so..
But then again, humans are unpredictable.
We hide under all these things.
What do you want to change?

We are all looking for something
To take away the pain

Those Nights

2008-07-21T08:41:00.000-07:00

I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all
Remember when we'd
to have nobody
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives
We were so young and confused
That we didn't know to laugh or cry
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever
Remember when we'd
i wanna love and be loved
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
i guess im alone again
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us
Those nights belong to us

I remember when we used to laugh
And now i wish those nights would last

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
im changing yet again.. can u save me
Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong
if im even worth it..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM4RaalpA9w

listening to tis song can just break me down to tears sumtimes..
i miss those nights
in all the hard times in my life
those nights kept me alive

Change

2008-07-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

All those words. I've changed yet again.
Becoming the man I wish I wouldn't be
Where is the heart I once had
Where did the happiness I once gained
All into this stony wall
It seems even time can conquer the hardest and coldest of hearts.

Sigh*

2008-07-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

been awhile since i last updated xD wahahaha! shall update 4 once

sum stupid thing at sch happen 2day... apparently it involved a bunch of girls...........
a bunch of bags............................. one guy.................
and welcome our main star attraction or rather repulsion! the LIZARD!

Apparently as recess ended the class was just being a normal class would den me and sum of the guys saw tis black thingy on the floor moving.. as we tried to tell some of the girls tt there was a lizard ard..

After moments of nothingness they begun 2 react.. which was after confusion and stuff.. den peshi who i think is reali afraid of lizards was like screaming and stuff..

It started 2 crawl up into ppls bags and stuff.. den coleen was like on the chairs wif a broom.. super funny la.. the best was when ezan walked into class and tot the lizard was a cockroach which he was afraid of... his reaction was super funny.. me and yong siang was laughing!

finally my Mr.Tan came and saved the day by getting it wif the broom and swept it away after it managed to crawl up sum other random places..

the random thing of the day xD~!

had a mock test at the end of sch.. dun think i will do veh well.. got so many thingy to do now.. so troublesome.. guess its the life of the sec 4 student.. troublesome..

so many things now coming up.. pray tt i will get thru it all one day.. times like these i know i need my rest.. but cant reali get much of it..

Quiz Quiz! xD

2008-07-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

got tis from joyan's blog so decided 2 update! =]

1)Do you have a wide group of friends ?
hmmm.. depends on wad u consider wide i guess but not reali?

2)If you're in trouble , will your friends 'fly' to help you ?
depends i guess, dunno

3)Will you sacrifice your most precious things for your friends?
i already have

4)Do you believe in BBF?
hmmm.. not reali, friends come and go but onli some will stay.

5)Do you think a straight man and a women can just be platonic friends?

6)Do you have a female/male ( i think its suppose 2 be like tis?) whom you can trust with almost everything?
erm.. i think so?

7)Do you think friends should tell each other everything?
nope, somethings were meant to be kept secret.

8)If your friends are in trouble, what will you do?
depends on wad kind of trouble but i would do to the best of my ability to help them.

9)In future , if your friends get married and ask you to be their bridesmaid/best man, will you agree ?
erm.. maybe? y not i guess

10)What if your enemy calls you one day to make peace?
well, if i had.. why not unless there were complications

11)What will you do to a friend whom you trust deeply, betrayed you?
i guess i would emo abit den heck it.. but it depends on my mood i guess.

12)If your friend snatches your bf/gf away , will you hate him or her completely ?
erm.. depends? maybe a little but not completely

13)What if there is a guy who has liked your friend for quite some time, tells you that he needs your help to win the heart of your friend, will you help him?
(is tis quiz 4 gurls onli?!!)
erm.. u can go on ahead cuz i dun reali wanna do anithing.. im straight xD

14)Do your parents think your friends are a bad influence ?
I dont think so cuz they dun reali know alot of my friends

15)What will you tell your parents if they asked you to transfer school, which means losing all your closest friends?
erm.. depends i guess..

16)If your friend organizes a once in a life time party, but your family doesn’t allow you to go , will you sulk/throw a temper/sneak out/don’t go?
i will just go and dun care them.

17)How will you describe your friendship relationship with your friends?
cold hot close far nice bad

18)Define friendship .
its my friends' ship

19)Name 20 people whom you can think right now . don’t read the questions until you named the 20 people . at the end , choose 5 people to do this.

1.cal
2.choc
3.jo
4.justin
5.thad teo
6.thad tan
7.andrew
8.julia lee
9.yc
10.joie
11.joyce
12.gera
13.ben
14.claire
15.shuwen
16.elisa
17.ty
18.joyan
19.joel tham
20.cavell

How did you meet no. 4? (Justin)
I met him at church but got to know each other more thru soccer if i remember correctly?

What will you do if you never meet no. 1? (Calvin)
might haf nv discovered guitar and the world would be a sadder place

What if no. 9 & no. 20 dated? (YC & Cavell)
wow.. i dont think tt will ever happen

Will no. 6 & no. 17 date? (Thaddeus Tan & Tian Yong)
now tt might reali happen =]

Describe no. 3 (Josiah)
noise guy at time, nice person as a whole & a gd friend too

Describe no. 7 (Andrew)
hee hee! hes a reali nice guy although he might be a little off sumtimes. Fun guy

Do you kno any of no.12’s family (Geraldine)
I know her bro & parents i guess

What will you do if no.18 confess to you that he likes you? (Joyan)
hmmm.. i wonder wad i would do.. it would be rather interesting xD

What language does no.15 speak ? (Shuwen)
Bear talk! xP jkjk!

How old is no.16 (elisa)
she is a 48 yr old auntie

When is the last time you spoke to no.13? (Benjamin)
erm, ytd? day camp!

Who is no.2's favorite band or singer? (Choc)
STORM!

Would you ever date no. 4 (Justin)
hmmmm?

Would you ever date no. 1? (Calvin)
I already haf xDD jkjk! im straight hee hee

Is no. 19 single? (Joel Tham)
tt i dun reali know

Would you ever be in a relationship with no.11 (Joyce)
YUP! =D just wad kind hee hee

School of no. 3? (Josiah)
FairField Med! i was there 2days ago!

Have you seen no. 2 naked (Choc)
erm.. NO!

What is no.8's nickname? (Julia)
rubbish bin, tigress, lagger, shorty.. many many more, must not say 4 she is a violent person! scary!
do you see?
Next 5 person to do the survey:
1.YOU
2.YOU TOO
3.YOU THREE
4.YOU FOUR
5.I DONT CARE BUT MUST BE YOU!!

tired tired! xDD

2008-06-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

haha! shall try 2 squeeze in 1 post b4 i slp.. haha.

today had sch which comprised of 1 big chuck of F&N lesson and one Math lesson

in F&N i still gotta lot of things to clear by monday which i doubt i will be able to do considering everything tts happening.. sigh*

im like so tired la! and its onli the first week of sch =[

its also sad to see all the mask ppl hide behind, sometimes u can tell tt sum1 is hiding so much from the look in their eyes and such..

after sch went home and slack abit b4 going out wif josiah go city walk walk.. went ard the singapore river and just talk abt life.. haha..

after tt went to church

we reach church ard 6? after we reach went 2 macs and bought our dinner den went up 2 lvl 4

after eating we just slack ard den ps andrew joined us den outta no where just start to worship.. soon after awhile ppl just start to pile in until we manage to start pm.. haha..

after pm i decided to go home and just try to rest as im quite tired now.. haha..
im tired, can u make me whole?
so now im here.. so many things coming out in a span of just so little time.. cant think properly now.. all these little things stuck in my head.. shall just keep going until i break.. gotta haf faith.. xDD

Schools back!

2008-06-24T04:43:00.000-07:00

school is back! and so is everything else.. gonna be rather busy so wont be updating tis blog much unless i can find the time and interest

so.. RIP? i think so! haha

well.. for now aniways

Back From Camp!

2008-06-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

haha! im back from camp and feeling very sick but had a really fun time there =] got to know other ppl better as well.

The first day of camp which was in my previous post showed i didnt go church but took the car to there instead. upon reaching i went up to my room and laid my things down den went down to dinner which i cant reali remember well but as usual i would eat alot of rice.

after that there was service, the speaker whose name i dunno how 2 spell properly was a veh good preacher but tends to go a little off topic here and there but overall he was still good although it was pretty sad tt most of the youths were reali tired and would tend to dose off here and there, myself included but he was a reali good preacher and hopefully struck the hearts of man.

the most fun times of the camps was up in the room 2118! think was there more den my own room, including slping and stuff! xD

room 2118 was germ and joyan's room which was heavy overrun by me, cal, yc, tl, joyce & thadds.. we played guitar, sing songs, MUGGED! yes.. me mugging in camp.. its one of the most unthinkable things but yup! im so proud of myself tt i did sum work =D

In the camp i pity the ppl around the heavily populated room which was probably veh noisy and stuff.

Ok, shall talk abt camp more later.. feeling sick and i need my rest even if its 8pm in the night..

CAMP CAMP CAMP!!!

2008-06-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

Today is church camp!! not at church today cuz went 4 service ytd xD now w8ing 4 my father 2 come den take car 2 camp.. now im like eating biscuits.. so hungry!!

Last few days Ive been STUDYING, yes studying and also GOING OUT.

On friday went josiah hse in the afternoon to play bball wif joie lemuel kayhan elisa josiah & ben.. we played ABC den after awhile we got tired so slack abit den play pumping with kayhan 3ptshots! xD hee hee! i more accurate ok! xP

After leaving josiah hse i left 2 dg to meet the ppj ppl 4 dinner but i was super duper late and went 2 eat macs instead xD went to the dunno wad french dessert place. so after dessert we went to BK to slack and get a drink while talking all kinds of stuff. so after chatting we left to go home cuz it was pretty late.

the next day was sat? nothing much happen.. had tuition.. went 2 church.. den ya..

so now im back here! xD lalala.. dunno wad 2 write.. nothing much comes 2 mind whenever im like tis typing. shall talk rubbish to make my post seem super duper long! xD heh heh.

i think i still havent finish the 10 ppl from my old blog! xD maybe i will start again next time when im back from camp! xD

Quizzzzzzzzssssss

2008-06-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

lala.. lets do the quiz cuz i wanna make my blog look fuller! xD

1. What do you think an ideal best friend should be like?
An ideal best friend would be Jesus.

2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?
Easy, go heaven.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick the most?
I don't kick butt i poke them =]

4. What would you do with a million of dollars?
Hmmm? Throw it away forget yesterday.

5. What would your ideal lover be like?
Someone I can truly love.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
In my experience, being loved by someone.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Ask her when will she be done.

8. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
Knowing me I can't remember. xD

9. Define the term love.
Love is patient, love is kind.

10. If the person you like secretly is attached, what would you do?
Awwwwwwwww... Lets emo a little and then forget everything.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
10 years older and hopefully not here.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
The people I love.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is like?
Well... Two people tagged me but I can say they are super crazy people!

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Depends on who is the wife.

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Look how bright it is outside my window.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
That would depend on the situation. If its love, they say love conquers all.

17. If you fall in love with 2 people simultaneously,who would you pick?
Nobody.

18. What type of people do you hate?
Hate? You seldom or never see me using this word on a person but I would have to say, people I hate.

Tag people?
1.Your mother
2.Your father
3.Your grand mother
4.Your grand father
5.Your great grand mother
6.Your great grand father
7.Monkey
8.Gorilla
9.Fish
10.Shark
11.Octopus
12.Charlotte
13.Jellyfish
14.Julia
15.Master
16.GrandMaster
17.Great GrandMaster
18.BEAR!! WON BEARWEN!
19.That just struck me
20.If you bother reading that, YES YOU!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Wooosh!

2008-06-10T09:47:00.001-07:00

Shall take tis blog! haha.. found it in 1 of my bookmarks. so old man, used 2 use tis long time ago. Wahahaha! so decided just to take this blog and use it! So hi! hope it wont be as depressing as my old 1 xD

40 DOC

2006-08-22T05:16:00.000-07:00

40 days of community in Singapore... the first church 2 host such an event... its gonna be interesting 4 ppl like me...
the event has started on sunday 18/8/2006 for the small groups and 20/8/2006 for the bigger groups... dunno y im writing all these things... dun think any1 will ever read tis blog... 4 the moment, if ur in Singapore, got nth 2 do, ur a christian without a church or group, u can go 2 ELA ( Eternal Life Assembly) at bukit timah shopping centre at the 5th floor. Theres sunday, saturday and friday services, it not 2 late 2 join... dunno y im writing tis... wad the heck...

Randomness

2006-08-18T06:46:00.000-07:00

Black and white in the same room makes art.

Experimenting wif blogs

2006-08-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

yo... the first post the first blog... sigh*... dunno wad 2 do now...